'You don't understand DID' she replied. 'Of course Kelly is slipping in and out, that's what happens. You don't need to hypnotise someone for that.' No but it helps with other agendas. Although Trixie spun a yarn about Kelly's parts needing to work together, that was the last thing on the agenda, hence the firewalls. More on this appears at Fruitloop Therapy.
As Kelly poured out ideas for her writing interspersed with other bits and pieces, Commas wrote 'Kelly is nuts, can't you see now?' Commas was hijacking some replies I sent for Kelly, and I discovered she also knew a range of tricks from Trixie. 'Kelly is not nuts' I replied. 'I've known her a long time and she may come back. I don't like to discuss her behind her back, so to speak.'
'Trixie tells me to stop making connections between things' wrote Kelly. 'My friend committed suicide this week, and another tried to. I've known them for years. They both knew Marta. Trixie says I shouldn't connect things like that up. I told Trixie about a woman who is just everywhere I go, and Trixie says . . . '
I sympathised over her friend, thought a while, and sent a reply:
I don't like the things Trixie says to you. That is my problem. Unfortunately you cannot presently see why.
When you feel more up to it, we can discuss it if you want to. I am not going to keep beating my head up against a brick wall trying to make you see. 'Trixie says . . .' is wearing thin with me.
Last night you said she had won because she had isolated you.
You do have some choices, and taking pills won't hack it.'
Well, we are all human, and that is what I was trying to convey to Kelly, who was repeatedly told that normal things were wrong, or they were a sign of some 'illness' that she had to 'get better from'. The wonder was that she was able to function at all.
Does it seem strange to you that three women originally from the same cult area, who knew each other and also Marta, would be strongly suicidal in the very same week? Kelly continued 'I always look at cars and their number plates, so if someone hurts me I can recognise their car later. Trixie says I should not do that. I notice her car too and she gets mad at me.'
Another alter in Kelly's system asked me why Kelly kept running to Trixie when anything happened. 'She knows Trixie hurts us' they said. I replied that it must be difficult for them to say much about this, and there was agreement, but also confirmation over a couple of other things that were puzzling. Many times I thought I could see a link or a likelihood over things, only to find the reality was nothing comparable.
Because of the quantity of emails that night I asked Kelly to slow down. She was growing a bit trance-like, and now I inadvertently used a trigger word. It tipped her over into being hypnotised, something that happened before and she had come out naturally. Normally she knew I would go ten times round the block for her to make up her own mind.
'Now you should say to her . . . . . ' wrote Commas 'And she will come out of it.'
If I could avoid it, I would not use a cult phrase that I did not know the implications of. Commas continued 'You can tell her to go to sleep now, so you can get to bed.' Commas already made attempts to get me to leave that night, as other 'protectors' had tried before. I told her someone must think I was getting too close to something for comfort.
'I'm on your side' she said. I tried a couple more times to get Kelly's attention, wrote that my computer had jammed and I'd be in touch next day. 'That's great, thank you' said Commas. 'Now Trixie can't do anything with Kelly tonight unless she realises she is hypnotised.' Tonight was meant to be a family night, although her family had unexpectedly (to Kelly) not arrived back.
The following week there was nothing from Kelly, but Commas wrote that Kelly was a danger to them all, and I should keep her away from therapy and even from being present in the system. Acting on a sense of unease, I said it was Kelly I knew and I would discuss things with her. 'But you saw all that stuff she wrote that night, she's crazy' said Commas.
'I understood it, so what does that make me? You know the things that happen to Kelly, and you know about the rubbish Trixie feeds her. Commas started to write oddly with gaps in the middle of words. She was upset, not used to being around or getting challenged. What I am now saying is no disrespect for alters that some people have, but Commas seemed more like 'other people's alters' and nothing to do with Kelly. Perhaps she was placed there for some reason rather than developing naturally.
Kelly said she was now isolated from everyone she knew. I wondered if the name of this game was to keep her from contact with me. There had been times when she was forced to say goodbye, and when I refused to say it back, somehow the thread was not broken. 'They' could not go on and do what was planned for her, though that was a mystery to me.
While Kelly was hypnotised or generally out-of-it, others in the system could look after her family. Goodness knows what else they got up to. I was well aware that, despite my respect for Kelly and her integrity, other parts could be capable of anything. A recent exchange with the robot made me wonder. Could be, he was just bragging about having control over Trixie. Could be he had something she needed, or that she did not want to become public knowledge. Commas was emailing me personal stuff about Trixie. Why, and how did she know?
I thought Kelly was becoming a nightmare client for Trixie who might consider pulling out, or ensure that Kelly was unable to cause trouble. When Marta had wanted to break with Kelly someone higher up the chain seemed to tweak on powerful reins, roping them both back in. Kelly now insisted that people were afraid of her including Trixie. I knew Marta had been. What was this? Kelly and another alter noticed that Trixie sometimes seemed phased by Daisy, who could certainly could get stroppy but ...
'Why does Trixie want you broken into little pieces?' I now asked Kelly. 'Marta does' she replied. At times it seemed as if Marta had some notion of actually taking Kelly over, her sensitivity and intuition, her attributes or personal magnetism, whatever it was that drew people.
'You want to know what I think? Probably not, but here it is' I began. 'I think Marta thinks she can take over whatever gifts you have. What good will that do for humanity?'
'None at all' she replied with a glimmer of her former self.
'It's you making me ill not Trixie' came an unexpected email from Kelly. There had been a false sense of calm since she announced there was no therapy because she and Daisy yelled at Trixie. During an unscheduled appointment Trixie learned of my involvement, said I was a fake and that Kelly must stop contacting people. My Inbox filled with emails Kelly was sending to someone who claimed to have solutions for her problems. Kelly was showing a spark of independence, writing her own narrative story for this person to read.
Next day she was shaky, wanting me to get pictures for 'the Book' as she wanted them. I wondered if Trixie was planning Kelly's demise, as it was referred to. On the surface Trixie changed tack overnight, now blaming others for Kelly's problems, her 'illness'. She said Kelly must move far away straight away. I commented that it would need planning and discussing with her close friend and her ex-husband. 'I know' she said. 'I didn't think it could be that easy.' I wondered if moving far away was a euphemism for Kelly's demise or suicide, phrased such that she would know what she was to do, and Trixie could deny any involvement.
'Yes you' came an email from an unknown alter, indicating I was indeed the cause of the problems. I wanted to reply that Trixie should go to jail but settled for 'Oh'. This was all disappointing and I hoped Trixie's control had slipped a notch. Nolly wrote that Daisy had been for an appointment that Kelly didn't know about. 'Do you think Trixie was angling for information from Daisy, or giving her instructions?' I asked. The reply came 'Instructions'.
Was Trixie following her own instructions properly, or batting about in the wind while breaking every boundary and guideline?
Please do not assume that, because you do not do the things outlined here,
or you have not come across them, absolutely no-one else does them
Undermining the Underminers
Family crises in Kelly's life intervened, and there were more days for undermining the Underminers, whoever, wherever, whyever.
No-one has to believe any of this. Not all of these things happen to people involved in ‘satanic’ or other cult ritual activity, and certainly not to many people in therapy. If some of the words, phrases or concepts, or sheer incredibility latch onto your curiosity or onto something meaningful, that is what ‘the Book’ is meant for:
* To de-mystify the otherwise unbelievable
* To show these things can happen
* That they are basically an extension of other aspects of human behaviour, however inhuman, crass, ridiculous, stupid, unnecessary, it may all seem
* It could happen to people close to us
*If we don't listen, we won't hear
Principles which can be used to control others can also be used to undo control
Anyone for Chess?
There was such a performance and so much time being spent in controlling women like Kelly almost daily. Perhaps it was something along the lines of Snakes & Ladders with fixed dice, but so very desperate, life-threatening even. There seemed no fun in it! And if you kill off too many vulnerable oponents, who will you torment? The robot jeered saying I was a bored wannabe at my computer, hanging on by a thread. I would have loved to put this to one side. I knew Kelly and others could not until other people realised how these things occur. Forewarned is forearmed, as the saying goes.
The Carousel was meaningful, each steed on a pole, forced round and round to someone's tune, unable to get off unless something happens. Or someone stops the ride to spoil all the fun: Of those who set it up. OK, I'm a spoiler wannabe.
I don't think people higher up could stop the ride and get off either. Clearly strategic planning went on somewhere, not connected with the frenzy of cult meetings. And someone went round collecting people to attend, generally as it grew dark so time varied, ticking names off a list to ensure that those who defaulted got extra 'therapy', or they paid for their independence some other way.
Fiction? I wish. Probably so did they from both sides of the fence:
Those 'with rank' who were Somebodies, and those 'without rank' who were Nobodies
For certain reasons the so-called Nobodies were much in demand
Perhaps they were needed to facilitate demons or forces of some kind
So they could give information or instructions to the cult higher-ups
Or to give them a sense of power
Somehow forces were playing through Kelly and her alters. Trixie and her kind were doing their very best or worst. I was doing mine. Perhaps it was somehow meant to be, I do not know. It seemed like a game of Chess with the opposing side tearing up the rule book, then chucking out the board.
A Different Path?
I tried to get glimpses of the thinking behind cult ritual abuse and ‘satanism’ as well as other cult-like groups, where these seem to impinge/take over the life of those involved. Choosing a so-called left-hand-path of development as a selfish path is one thing. Causing pain to others, emotional suffering and confusion, ruination, even death, is altogether something else. I looked at sadism and narcissism, Voodoo and anything else, and joined email groups of people proudly calling themselves satanists and joking about their attitudes and practices.
I like to satisfy myself that someone really does have a choice in their decisions and actions. Because, if someone else is calling the shots through bullying, intimidation, violence, seduction, involvement in drug-taking, then something needs doing about it. That is what our basic legal system and human rights are about, the right to freewill and action, at least in theory. We can surely get closer to what is fair, than the situation surrounding Kelly.
People who have trouble controlling themselves and their lives, may seek to control others. If they don’t believe in reincarnation, spirits of ancestors, or the concept of karma, they may be out for anything they can get in this lifetime, robbing people of their worldly goods, or syphoning off their physical time and energies. I hope nothing like this happens to you, but if it does there are books on protecting yourself psychically, in the same way as you put locks on your doors and windows to protect your house. Just because you don’t believe these things happen, that no-one would do them or it wouldn’t work, doesn’t mean that other people don’t do it, putting their very souls into it.
Most of us are similar in that once we were children, not as strong as adults around us, and not aware of options for later life. Perhaps this is one reason why children gang together, or as adults we join things or get drawn in, either with friends or by seeking out people to be with in a pairing relationship or group. There is safety in numbers, no longer small, alone, not listened to, unable to fight back.
Suppose now, a society or subculture which makes it their business in some way to control their children, children of others, weaker members, and thereby gain continuity of their beliefs and practices. There’s nothing unusual about this when it happens naturally via family practices, culture and belief systems, or on a wider scale in a region or country. George Orwell, Aldous Huxley, B.F. Skinner have written about utopias and control of society in a wide sense. Suppose you really think the end of the world is coming, except that certain people only will survive, and you want to ensure your survival over others. Or you think you are stuck with this world and will do your damnedest to maintain position, economically, socially, or in terms of control. Might you opt for a system of social and mental control, creating an underclass of vulnerable people who would be expendable or transferable like a commodity?
Possibilities are endless. You only have to witness stage hypnotism with genuine post-hypnotic suggestion being acted upon by subjects, to see what is possible, not with years of conditioning but just a little, acting on the subconscious of those who are susceptible. Increase the length of time and the indoctrination process, and more of us become susceptible quite easily.
All these things and more, make me suspicious of those detractors who deny that there ever can be any kind of ‘satanic’ or cult ritual abuse. We all like to think we are discerning and can winkle the possible from the impossible, the likely from the unlikely, the appropriate from the inappropriate. I believe use of ‘satanic’ or ‘satanism’ to be a bit of a red herring. There are plenty of satanists who are not involved in cult ritual abuse. Quite why they feel bound to insist that, because they don’t do it, no-one else does, I have no idea. Maybe it’s their idea of an in-joke. I would respect them and their beliefs more if they looked into it properly.
Other writers whom I admire for their critical thinking sometimes dismiss this whole subject in a brief paragraph in an otherwise excellent book. That is on their conscience not mine, but it seems a pity they even mentioned the subject. We can look further than the ends of our noses.
Someone I met by chance took the trouble to explain how she saw choosing a path of evil. She felt it was a spiritual path or choice. If one wishes to change that path or reverse a choice, the spiritual aspect needs taking into consideration, as well as the practices engaged in.
You may choose to read it or not, to believe any of it or not. Many small parts make up a picture. The picture is different for us all. I have been the scribe here because I believe it is important to convey some things I became aware of. I don’t believe I got all of them wrong.
The next day was like the Mad Hatter's Tea Party. Some alters were writing in each others' style, telling me I was replying to the wrong person, yet not saying how to make contact with themselves. I was being fed snippets of information so I asked questions. 'Dah' came the reply from whoever. 'It's dumb for you to believe everything people say.'
It was all dumb to me, and some alters were in the thick of it, aware of crucial dynamics withheld so far and now dangled under my nose. This was another ploy which could take hours to unravel. Dumb for listening, dumb for checking, dumb for trusting anyone at all, dumb for trying to help. Dumb for thinking Kelly was naive. That she wanted to help others caught in the same maelstrom. Time would tell.
It didn't take long. I checked emails but all seemed quiet. Kelly had been distracted and was probably switching alters or busy with family. At the usual night-time hour emails arrived from her: 'There's someone in my driveway staring in. There's knocking at the door. There's never knocking at my door. Help, I'm scared.' Kelly had clearly had a brainwipe so as to have no idea of the risks. I was too late to help evade them this time.
Some people denigrate brainwashing, saying you can't wash a brain so anything anybody says about it is nonsense. As the robot alter would say 'Hahaha'. Let's hope they never have a brainwash or a brainwipe themselves. They wouldn't remember it, any more than Kelly and others like her could. How would people react to someone parked on their own driveway, inducing a fear that they cannot fathom? Someone had recently put considerable hours of work in on Kelly to render her tabula rasa with no means of defending herself. It was probably coming from the same source as the false information that I would be away on vacation and thus unavailable.
When Kelly did recall things she was a problem to those who threatened her, including her therapist who considered she had a handle on everything. Many things she did, but not all. The questions uppermost in my mind were: How could anyone afford to spend 8 hours during one week plus more over the weekend, conditioning Kelly and Daisy, and why? If they were too much trouble, why allow the continued risk they would act up or spill the beans? Could they be providing something the cult desperately needed, and that sometimes they were treated more as part of the in-crowd? Some alters knew more than they generally let on.
Was Kelly a front person, kept genuinely innocent for some reason? Sometimes she quickly grasped what was happening, but recently nothing was sticking long enough to act on. It concerned me that she might be taken away and punished by the cult. They could implant other personae or alters better suited to their requirements - and less trouble for them.
I knew the circumstances in which Kelly came on the scene to help out the host-person Caitlin, and to my way of thinking both had rights. What relevance did my way of thinking have to do with it!
A Dangle to Ponder
Daisy was in a state with something important to tell me. Several times Daisy had asked Trixie to promise something or to do something. On this occasion Trixie made things awkward for Daisy, who was scared that Kelly would get into trouble with her partner whom I call Phil. I did not find out how anyone in Kelly's small DID system could already know that something had gone wrong. I also considered it something-and-nothing, although it could be on the edge of something significant. (It turned out to be part of the game of Snatch, where Trixie would snatch things away, or refused to return items to Kelly or Daisy, see A Singular Mean-ing and more specifically How Some of it is Achieved.)
Phil was not a live-in partner and was mostly absent at weekends when Kelly was now at most risk. It obviously suited the cult and I had wondered about it, but Phil had reasons for being away. It was Phil who paid for Kelly's therapy as well as some household bills. Remember that saying about the person who pays the piper calling the tune?
Phil had been to see Trixie, and I commented to the person translating for Daisy: 'Phil will soon see that there's something seriously wrong with Trixie's boundaries. And what does Phil think about all those extra hours Kelly has in therapy?'
'Phil is in on all of it' came the reply, and nothing more was forthcoming. Another dangle for me to ponder.
Phil could be bossy and Daisy was never easy about it. Kelly opened up occasionally, but for the most part I tried to steer clear. Kelly went into the situation with her eyes open - so I thought. Now questions arose whether she had literally been set up, or if Phil was set up to support the therapy, with instructions to take Kelly to visit triggering places or people. I had been viewing things through eyes unaccustomed to the cult's ways, means and connections.
Phil had a history of befriending lone parents with young children. I do not believe there was an interest in the children sexually on Phil's part, but there was more of a caretaker role undertaken on behalf of the cult for their own reasons. One of Kelly's children could be of interest to the cult, through having some of Kelly's traits that were valued. I have no idea about the adults or children in other families that Phil befriended and paid towards.
This caretaker role could theoretically be undertaken by a male or female. Another feature of Kelly's life had been threats that her children would be taken away unless she consented to something. This was a general threat made to some mothers to get them to comply. Sometimes Kelly's children were taken away and later returned, this not always being carried out through official channels. Things like this seemed to go on in the area, with some people being aware though taking no action over them. Perhaps we should name it Conspiracy City or would that be taking things a deal side too far?
I could not see how or why Phil and Trixie could be colluding over Kelly's therapy of dubious nature. People say that collusion is an unconscious process. There was nothing unconscious about this, if it were as overt as the dangle implied. Kelly suggested a reason for Phil spending a lot of money on the therapy for her, which could have been a convenient cover story. I did not know the reality, and Kelly would not be aware. I'd had hopes of Phil sorting out some of the mess. Several times it crossed my mind that something was wrong, but the collusion scenario in particular had seemed too unlikely. I am not saying there is a definite connection here.
Some people might be cult-connected while not necessarily getting involved in cult rituals or meetings. Some aspects could be like a club: You'd probably know who is in the club, or there is a form of dress or behaviour so you can tell or guess. Other people would be clueless unless they had a reason to suspect. If you were not a Somebody or cult member with rank, or were not cult-connected, you were a Nobody like a cog in a machine or a commodity. Or you would be any ordinary member of the public - I'll opt to be one of those then ...
The point is:
Some people do not have an option. However they had got into the mess that took them towards the cult, there was not a 'However you can get out again' clause. Some do. It is not easy and it may take more than one determined effort or some help. The first step is to recognise the situation.
The question is:
How can someone like Kelly who is surrounded by strong people (apparently in cahoots with one another through whatever drove them cult-wards) explain it to others and get free? Kelly was told that, by insisting there was a local cult it showed she was psychotic. If she did not retract, she would not be allowed home from hospital.
It may help you to know:
It may help you to work out if anything along these lines is wrong in your own life, or that of someone you know. I believe the principles outlined in 'A Singular Yarn' may apply to some other single-parent families in Kelly's situation and/or location. It is in this spirit that the material is presented. There can be other reasons why people get involved in things that they cannot easily get out of, which would be a story for another day!