Hicktown Highjinx

Summary

Readers so far will know that the subject matter relates to cult ritual abuse, and various methods of coercion or confusion that may be employed on vulnerable people, who become unable to lead their own lives or plan their future. In Kelly's case, the story began with her being taken from her home - or wherever she was - on days in the week when her children were elsewhere. When they were home Kelly seemed permitted to lead an ostensibly ordinary life. If she managed to get work, it would somehow allow for attendance at cult meetings on afternoons or evenings when required. Kelly had been safe for about two years when it started up again, this time usually at weekends but sometimes on a week night too.

Kelly was naturally inclined to dissociate to some extent, but people around her knew how to use it to their advantage, and apparently implanted some personality alters as a control mechanism and to report back to the cult. But the cult needed something from Kelly and some of her alters. The wonder is that they treated her so badly, but that could have been a part of their sadistic game.

The purpose of this writing is to get across to those who can listen, that this is not always pie-in-the-sky. If people read what happens to a brave person like Kelly, they are better able to help themselves or someone they know. More people might get caught up in this than we like to think possible. Together we can do something about that. I tried to ensure that I was not playing into the charade, overly affecting what Kelly was thinking or fantasising, or with what others were actually doing. While some scenes have been combined for brevity, nothing has been added for dramatic effect. I spent a fair few hours on this overall. Think how very many must get put in by those implementing such insidious control.

Please do not assume that, because you do not do the things outlined here,

or you have not come across them, absolutely no-one else does them

Return of a Heroine

'No no no, aunti' wrote Daisy one morning, after sending me emails that were just too mundane. Daisy was a young and normally sassy five-year old alter to Kelly who was an intelligent, sensitive, and much maligned mother. Kelly was being abused in a cult setting, and was being deliberately confused about it, the most likely contender being her current therapist Trixie. There had been three long appointments with her in a week, which I was told contained instructions for young Daisy, being the most likely option to manipulate fairly easily using bribes, threats and play.

There were implications that Trixie wanted Kelly to take an overdose, and Kelly felt she wanted to go ahead. This kind of thing was pretty much par for the course and erupted every so often, but this time was deeply concerning. Kelly and I had discussed 'the Book' and confirmed our deal, that if anything happened to her I would write it. Or she could stick around and write her own thoughts.

Daisy had emailed late on a weekend night about a vehicle sitting outside on their driveway - a usual sign of a cult night. The robot alter joked with me that it would be back after dark, and wrote in big capitals that I was a loser. I goaded him with questions, and to my satisfaction he confirmed many of my thoughts about Trixie, telling me things I had not known. I made a comment which was a little close to home, and robot vanished like a genie back in a bottle.

Nolly who acted as an interpretor/protector but was still angry with me, came through and asked what was happening. I explained about the robot. Before I could warn her that it looked like a cult night, she reacted with 'Oh, goodnite madame' and she too was gone. At this rate I needed to brush up on communication skills.

The cult event that weekend seemed less unpleasant than most, and could have been held in someone's house. It seemed likely that it involved further conditioning. Usually Daisy would be upset and bruised after getting taken from home by the cult, wanting me to tell her a nice story. I asked Daisy some questions, phrased so that others could see I was not taken in.

Daisy realised there was a problem and asked if we were still friends. I said nothing had changed: 'I think people are saying stuff, pretending things did or didn't happen, are real or not, truth or lies when they're not. This will make sense to somebody else. They don't want you to write to me. They are playing a bad game with you and Kelly.'

When Kelly surfaced saying there was an appointment soon with Trixie, I hoped Trixie would change her tactics and normalise some of what had been happening. The Kelly who emerged from the session certainly sounded as if something had been smoothed out. Bits of Kelly were missing, particularly her memory, but she was not so fraught. I often had cause to think how good some therapists would be, if only they worked in the interests of their clients, and not the ones who paid the piper.

Conspiracy City or Hicktown Highjinx?

There are no guarantees that I have correctly interpreted everything that was said or implied

I do not know how widespread any of this is

I believe this does not only happen in what I name Conspiracy City or plain ol' Hicktown

Hicktown is probably an unusual or extreme example, so let's use it on that basis

Cult activities or awareness did not apply to everyone working in the police, or at the hospital, or as a therapist

If it helps one adult or child, it will have been worth it from my point of view

I cannot answer for Kelly whether it has been worth it

It is unlikely to be happening to just one vulnerable woman, finding herself alone for part of the week

Why was the suicide rate for young women abnormally high?

What about the children who attend these so-called safe places for help?

Might it be:

From things I recalled from the early days of my contact with Kelly, she had made some kind of deal concerning her children:

She would allow certain cult-related events to impinge on her own life, though having done nothing to warrant it

In return for that, the cult were to leave her children alone

Kelly always put her children first, so it would be natural to her way of thinking, to sign something that should mean her children would lead cult-free lives.

Now there's the rub because:

If Kelly's partner and her current therapist were somehow colluding to maintain control of Kelly, and if Kelly felt beholden to Phil for monies spent on the family -

a) How would Kelly even see what was happening?

b) If she had a dim recollection of what she signed, she would feel reluctant to rock the boat over the cult involving her

c) Why was Phil almost living in the nest with Kelly's children, enabling the therapy, plus leaving Kelly alone at weekends?

d) It looked as though someone was welching on something concerning what Kelly thought she agreed to

e) Why would any individual or group lead Kelly, or anyone, to believe they should enter such a deal? Sadly I have come across similar contracts elsewhere on other aspects, and they have been hard to break too

f) How is the cult, or whoever it is, enforcing these deals? -

i) Is able to welch on them

ii) Is able to welch on whatever they want and whenever they want

iii) Yet individuals cannot welch on deals, however unfair, unreasonable or downright impossible

iv) And even when their contracts are not kept by the cult

Notes:

I do not know if Phil was actively involved in the cult, or in anything subversive involving Trixie, or the therapy/conditioning meted out to Kelly, for a fee paid for by Phil.

And I did not yet know that Trixie and her form of therapy were as damaging as they seemed.

Fruitloop Therapy

Sock-knocking, Soul-shocking

Things were even worse. During a traumatic therapy session described by another alter, Kelly broke through her conditioning and challenged Trixie with 'What the hell is going on?' and stormed out. I knew she could. Trixie seemed flummoxed, saying 'Well someone came out'. The idea had been to trigger one of the alters in the system to show up, and go out to be hurt, as though pied-piperwise they might not return. Trixie probably thought it would be a doddle this time.

After explaining to me what she remembered, Kelly grew vague, wanting to hear Trixie's version to help make sense of things. She was unaware of a reprehensible form of therapy involving Daisy who had vanished, deeply shocked. Kelly too had been turned inside out, and had said so to Trixie, yet felt she needed further ministrations from her. See how it works - sure thing! I can personally recommend how to deal with these evil sockshockers and subversive fruitloopers.

Trixie and her croney phoneys went too far and grew too clever for their purposes. Using crude methods of control, they tried to amp things up into grander stuff, not thinking that some in the system might be developing awareness. The fruitloopers failed to spot it, and had not honed their skills.

While Kelly went unwittingly and unwillingly to abhorrent cult meetings where her body was abused and her mind shocked, it did not get deep into her soul. To allow people into her psyche by attending the 'therapy' sessions, was to risk compromising her very being. To me, a bad therapist is similar to a bad priest, and you would not want their ministrations either. Sadly, people like this can look quite wholesome and fool the very best. These people know no boundaries: It is how they operate. I believe in choices, and Kelly had an important one to make - as I knew she had before.

People who encounter bullying, a bad group experience, a con-man or cult involvement, child abuse or torment, domestic violence or a subversive therapist, often have similarities in how it affects them. It takes a long time to start getting back together, after realising its nature. The remedy sought needs to be beneficial, and never allowed to get worse than the original experience.

What happened to Kelly through her involvement with Trixie seemed specific to the prevailing cultic situation, and there were some other aspects, not all included here or known to me.

The general principles (for want of a better description) behind getting fruitlooped, are the same.

What Drives Cultic Behaviour?

Your guess will be as good as mine!

Others have written about different aspects of cult ritual abuse

There could be fringe benefits for some cult members, to the detriment of other members or other people

There could be people on the fringe of cult meetings, involved from time to time but not wholly in on it

There could be cult-connected individuals or activities serving some mutual purpose

Anything to do with cults of this nature will be heavily weighted in favour of the cult

Cults like the one outlined thrive on cruelty and confusion

There would be strong components of reward and punishment, threats and misinformation

The cults need to prevent people from realising the issues, or being able to leave

It takes a very great deal of time and organisation to enforce the status quo and membership that they require

Price of Getting Connected

Humans live in a paradoxical state, because most of us like to feel free to make choices. There are times when we need to belong in a family or group or neighbourhood. And times when we need to be alone or cut ourselves off from some aspect of others or their behaviour. Some things that we would dearly love to do, lie behind doors closed to us for some reason or none. How nice it would be if some fairy godmother or godfather came along to sort it out for us, for now and for ever. What might we agree to, if we were really desperate, on the streets, needing an operation, needing help for a loved one?

Remember Dr Faustus and the deal that he made to compromise his very soul

See the ads on TV for instant loans, instant solutions, instant gratification

The day of reckoning is deferred and ever deferrable, as you plead your need and go deeper down the ever-deepening hole

People allow connections to things or to people that they otherwise would not touch - let alone get connected with

It becomes an insidious path where boundaries blur and events merge

Needs must as the devil drives

And devil take the hindmost!

The word connected has different connotations for people. It is used here to convey similarities there seem to be in essence between Mafia hierarchies, and what I learned along the way of this type of cult, and about cults more generally. People have a right to believe in what they want, which is now backed by legislation. Some people who follow different lifestyles get angry when their families yank them away, and more harm can be done by this than by the chosen lifestyle. We need to keep balance and perspective.

Legislation in the UK began to cater for something termed grievous or actual bodily harm to the mind, related originally to a case of stalking behaviour. It seems that this would be a step in the right direction regarding cult intrusions, or any other infringement of personal boundaries and basic humanitarian rights.

There were apparent similarities in what I heard of the cult around Kelly, and Mafia protection rackets that force people to pay in order to trade, live their lives, or live at all. Threats to close family go straight for the emotional jugular. Deals get made at different levels of the hierarchy, and different groups may co-exist to an extent.

People welching on deals or fighting over territory leads to mayhem. There are rules to watch out for, and actions are planned and controlled. People know the name of the game for levels of rank or nature of participation. There are some similarities with this particular Hicktown.

Somewhere along the line, the cult of these pages from our Conspiracy City, has evolved

(if that is an appropriate word)

Into a veritable Mafia

(used literally and metaphorically)

And it is apparently operating without rules

(whether or not it actually started out that way)

What does that make it?

Out of control

And ?

Needing to be recognised and dealt with

Or?

Worse even than the Mafia!

Rationale

1. People belong to the cults often without knowing it at a conscious level, and without being able to do much about it

2. Society in general and academics in particular are led to disbelieve that it can or does go on

3. There must be a reason or a belief system behind putting people through the experiences

4. A reason or reasons for the denials and denigration of those who speak out; and reason/s why the denials have effect

No-one has to believe any of this. Not all of these things happen to people involved in ‘satanic’ or other cult ritual activity, and certainly not to many people in therapy. If some of the words, phrases or concepts, or sheer incredibility latch onto your curiosity or onto something meaningful, that is what this is meant for:

* To de-mystify the otherwise unbelievable

* To show these things can happen

* That they are basically an extension of other aspects of human behaviour, however inhuman, crass, ridiculous, stupid, unnecessary, it may all seem

* It could happen to people close to us

*If we don't listen, we won't hear

I don't think people higher up could stop the ride and get off either. Clearly strategic planning went on somewhere, not connected with the frenzy of cult meetings. And someone went round collecting people to attend, generally as it grew dark so time varied, ticking names off a list to ensure that those who defaulted got extra 'therapy', or they paid for their independence some other way.

Fiction? I wish. Probably so did they from both sides of the fence:

Those 'with rank' who were Somebodies, and those 'without rank' who were Nobodies

For certain reasons the so-called Nobodies were much in demand

Perhaps they were needed to facilitate demons or forces of some kind

So they could give information or instructions to the cult higher-ups

Or to give them a sense of power

Principles which can be used to control others can also be used to undo control

Is all of this simply part of human nature gone wild, or behaving like animal groups with some clearly dominant individuals, some striving to be dominant, some not strong enough, able or willing to change the status quo? Could this be what this cult ritual abuse thing was about, to ensure the survival in an advantaged (rather than disadvantaged) state, of some of the fittest or most devious, acting as a group or network over and above the rest?

Will humans always be like this in their workplaces, homes or communities, with supremacist words and behaviours thinly disguised by social veneer and compromise? Is it a covert system, taking the place of overt, warrior-like behaviours? Perhaps this is why we deny it to a large degree, both to ourselves and others, presuming that we know reality for what it is, in order to feel more comfortable.

We need to know more about abusive behaviours, and inequalities in areas that keep some people vulnerable. The most vulnerable tend to be further abused, put upon, ignored, or further confused. Kelly knew it was happening to others in her area, and some people who'd known her a long time were aware in some sense of her situation, and about some of the people involved.

It was a strange co-existence

Could any of us get entangled?

The reader must choose where to draw the boundary on anything

It is about choice and boundaries: Don't let other people erode them -

Or Con you into thinking they are different from what you feel is right

Reasons for this Scenario?

More Than Dreamt of...

'There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, Than are dreamt of in your philosophy'

At the risk of sounding like a cheap novel with witches on broomsticks or a Dennis Wheatley yarn, things got worse after Kelly stormed out of her therapist Trixie's office demanding to know what had happened. How much connection there was with the cult remained to be seen when things settled. What happened to Kelly through her involvement with this therapist seemed specific to the prevailing cultic situation, and there were other aspects, not all included or known to me.

The following day I checked regularly for emails, thinking Kelly would be in a bit of a state or worse. By evening there was nothing. Then samples of Kelly's narrative arrived, written by her that day and looking worth a read. She surprised me and surpassed everyone by rising above the situation and getting on. But she was not being very earthly over what happened, and crucial dynamics were tragically missing. She still hoped Trixie would let her have another appointment.

Next day the robot sent a raft of emails haha-ing that the coming night was one to watch out for and I would not be able to save Kelly. 'It's curtains for you then' I wrote heading my emails Eejit, for Idiot. That night while I was online, suddenly all hell let loose as Kelly was bombarded with loud music, noises outside, whistling and whatever. The general whatever continued till she fled to another room to hide. People cannot play blaring music in a residential street without drawing attention. It could be reaching her house via computer, or a little speaker that she didn't know about. The intention was to make her think she was crazy or actually to make her crazy. It could have been a trigger to make her think it was loud music.

If I was right, the situation had become more like gangstalking. There is also gaslighting which is inducing fear in people, which had always been a feature of Kelly's life. See 'Did You Call the Cops?' and Amping or Ramping Up. If you convince people that something bad will happen if they don't get out of the house, they get out of the house. Simples, as the Meercat says in the ad.

Next day I checked regularly for emails. Nothing. I went online in the evening as Kelly began to email. She asked if she should take pills to help her sleep as she had the night before. I suggested she keep them in case trouble started again. 'It is' she said wearily. 'Music, noises outside.' I had asked overnight if she could circumvent my questions by thinking who would go to such lengths and why. She evaded every attempt at some tiny inroad into working on something. She was in a bad state and I did not want to get spikey and intrusive.

'Make the music stop' she pleaded. I said that if I was there, I would try turning off the computer to see if it came from there, and go into the various rooms to track it down. 'Maybe I should have gone to the hospital today' Kelly wrote.

'Oh, people do awful things to you, and you go to the hospital!' I replied. 'I don't think so, do you?' causing a small spark to flare in her.

She wrote a jumbled sentence, and we drew to a close as she grew sleepy. Nolly the interpreter came through with 'Someone went to see Trixie today to collect their stuff but no-one remembers.' I had thought Kelly slept all day, as did she.

Kelly had been concerned about personal items left in Trixie's office. Things like this were not supposed to happen, i.e. Trixie harped on about phoney therapeutic boundaries, and then she broke the lot. I tried to find out what was left in her office and in what circumstances, but that was another embargo. Nolly was always evasive when I wrote about Trixie. Now when I wrote that Trixie had upset Daisy, Nolly, sleepy and confused with pills, was concerned: 'Yes, Daisy is hiding somewhere'.

I too was concerned for Daisy who was vulnerable and had been used. There was also no-one to front for Kelly when things got too much, or to alert me to a cult activity. Whether one believes in psychic attack or not, people were attacking her mentally, for what? Would you expect people outside your house harassing you two nights in a row, for having a spat with a therapist? I don't think so, do you?

Dissociated Complexes or Alter Personalities

There is a book on psychic self-defence by Dion Fortune which is a kind of classic, a bit outdated but most people with an interest in the paranormal or occult are aware of it.

From memory - I don't want to have to go through it - she mentions people's auras where pictures or forms are apparently visible to clairvoyant sight, showing things without working it all out the hard way. The crucial point is that when these forms split off from the main persona, they can take on independent life of their own. Worth looking into in relation to alters and DID?

I wondered if each clairvoyant saw the same things in the same way, if it was possible to miss something huge, or interpolate things. Psychics had homed in on me with their unwanted views about this or that in my life. This included some of Kelly's so-called 'protectors'. People can project things so strongly towards other people that it may actually affect them, becoming almost a self-fulfilling prophecy. It is worth bearing in mind, and resisting!

There is a suggestion among psychic researchers that certain types of people, and how they handle emotions, are more likely to have spooky things happen around them. I've known ordinary people who seem to get what they want by willing it really hard, and not giving a damn about consequences. It seems to have something to do with bottled up emotions or unacknowledged needs. Call it one's Shadow or dark-side, or whatever you want to.

Psychic Powers Not Worth the Candle

When cultic attempts to destroy Kelly failed and Marta realised I was involved, they tried to get at me too, but I was far away and not the least psychic. It backfired, apparently scaring their socks off. It seemed to work like an electrical circuit and following the line of least resistance - Believe it or not. What they did not know and I later recalled, was that I had been involved in something at a very old church on behalf of a relative, and not my usual haunt. It seemed to help. I was not a churchy person though came from a line of movers and shakers. Perhaps that was how I became involved over Kelly and this cult.

I never felt particularly celtic, whereas Marta created a phoney celtic persona for herself. I knew what worked for protection if I felt threatened, whether it's what the books or experts recommend or not. A chunk of wood, a pretty scarf, a leather bag, would do for me. Plus keeping my head down and staying out of it. And an uplifting picture on the computer screen of a flower, a scene, or a cute animation.

I've made little mention of Kelly's psychic sensitivity, but she seemed to have the goods. She was boasting about her powers again which some psychics will tell you is a stupid thing to do. Unfortunately I got the impression that this was what took Kelly into occult country in the first place. Now it, or someone involved, apparently would not let her go. People were indeed scared of Kelly, blaming her for not foreseeing things, and for ailments in their family. A weird email arriving alongside a host of the usual ones, caused me to recall something.

For some years I knew a psychic woman who got highly emotional, and appeared to have a psychic involvement in someone's car crash. She was no innocent regarding rituals. She laid it on thick to me how she did nothing, she just thought of the person, and cried and cried, and did this and this, and would I believe what just happened! It fell on deaf ears and we lost touch. Would this kind of thing happen with Kelly?

Kelly had recently done some things while in a quandary, and she too used the innocence defence. Her own writing may reveal more of her thinking on this field, what she called the Universe. In our early days when we talked of whether people might envy her the psychic gifts, she offered to pass them to me, saying 'I can give you them.' No, thank you.

It isn't worth the candle unless you're stuck with it. But wouldn't it be handy if ... ?

You're Scared of Me!

I could understand Kelly's desperation but parts of it wore thin. She would then say I was scared. I told her and Nolly 'I am not scared of you. But there are others in your system who are mixed up with some really bad people.' I never got a reply. After all this time I knew little of what constituted Kelly and her alters. Kelly often asked if one day we could meet up for coffee and a shopping trip. When all avenues in her own area closed in on themselves, she or Daisy would say they were coming to live in my basement. We don't have one and anyway.. Shopping trip maybe later, much later. I did know something of the people around Kelly, and one reason for my early involvement was Marta haranguing me about it. It was kind of personal, but not the reason why I continued.

Anything I said about myself was recycled by Kelly's system and fed back at intervals, including some red herrings. Now I put nothing into the melting pot. One alter persona recently asked my views on Kelly's children and I refused to get involved. Kelly did not know and I forgot, that our correspondence lapsed 2-3 years earlier when Kelly repeatedly pushed me to comment concerning her children, some of it legal issues. I imagined Marta concocting a plan to push me down a deep ethical and legal blackhole. There were too many questions about my life. 'Who wants to know, and why?' I began asking, receiving a phoney explanation like people give when hypnotised to do something daft.

People can have mixed recollections or even fabricate a whole scenario. We cannot always know, and cannot judge, whether all the suffering is caused from outside, or from within, or half-and-half. We fabricate or confabulate when we don't recall something, the subject is hazy, or it does not connect with things we're certain of. People use it to explain/ explain away, all memories that people like Kelly have, implying that it never happened to this person, therefore nothing like it has ever happened to anyone. That sure is not logical, and could lead us all into a tangled web. Sounds like a confab to me Tommy!

The Web

Kelly wrote a paragraph for her part of 'the Book' reflecting that she was once more ensnared by others in a gigantic web. She asked if she would survive if that web were suddenly removed. I too wondered as I put in chunks of time hoping something would gel, with a feeling of before it's too late. Kelly would start with ordinary aspects of her life, unearthing questions of increasing severity. She then threw in something of epic scale, begging me to sort it right now along with everything else. How had any of it got this way? Was she serious about extricating herself? Could she effectively do anything? If she managed in the shortterm, how would things be 2 years on? I do not like to write these things.

I noticed with Daisy that she contacted me after a cult night, spinning out emails over several hours with 'Can you help me just dis one day?' It is natural for people in trouble to seem attention-seeking, but there comes a point where one wonders if something is an elaborate set-up:

Let's not waste time looking at anything useful for our life; No let's go waste someone else's

More information on this appears in the Addendum

Could all of this be an elaborate set-up to ensnare folks like me? But for what? To knock us down again perhaps, as happened to therapists trying to sort out the miasma. If you make people look egg-on-face-wise because they believe something, and then you claim they were naive or deluded (even evil, as I heard one expert strangely say), what might be happening behind the scenes which no-one will believe? It's called deniability, a term used by real live spooks. Ay, there's the rub.

HAMLET:

To be, or not to be: that is the question:

Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer

The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,

Or to take arms against a sea of troubles,

And by opposing end them? To die: to sleep;

No more; and by a sleep to say we end

The heart-ache and the thousand natural shocks

That flesh is heir to, 'tis a consummation

Devoutly to be wish'd. To die, to sleep;

To sleep: perchance to dream: ay, there's the rub;

Therapy for the Children

The effect of all this on Kelly's growing children bothered me, and how many nights she was getting taken by the cult. There are 7 nights in a week, and things were happening disproportionately to my awareness, and perhaps always had done though not to my awareness.

Kelly asked a friend if she would allow her child to see Trixie for therapy. I queried whether Kelly had plans to send her own children for therapy, and she asked 'No, why would I?' - Well perhaps because Kelly often asked me to comment on her children's mental welfare. She should know I would not stick a diagnostic label on anyone. That is the game that gets people into a therapy mess, especially when linked to a cult-spun web.

Perhaps also because Phil, the close friend who paid for Kelly's therapy, had an intriguing though unendearing habit, of befriending lone parents and paying for them plus their children to have therapy. Now that's a really bad idea. Phil was away and, prior to this, appeared to be wining and dining elsewhere using Kelly's credit card. Another family perhaps? Another contrived affair? There were questions I'd have liked to ask of Phil. I'll probably never get the chance, and would not get straight answers. In the past someone, probably Marta, applied for credit cards in Kelly's name, and spent large sums that Kelly hadn't a cat-in-hell chance of paying. Then Kelly would get punished for having 'no monni' as Daisy had put it.

If Kelly took her children anywhere near Trixie, that would effectively eject me from the scene. I had told Kelly I would have to consider my position if she continued to see Trixie longterm. So much information and trauma zinging around can draggle one's thinking-cap, but I knew I could not be involved even on the sidelines, if this went forward for Kelly's children. I would find another way.

Kelly had been harassed beyond what most human beings can envisage, let alone handle. I had been online especially during night-time hours, over a whole week plus the previous fortnight. I learned that one of the reasons Kelly seemed able to cope was not just her own dissociative style, but actually the psychic attacks that she was subject to, the loud music and whatevers. It was like giving her ECT, electro-convulsive therapy: It made her forget. It made me recall hours spent in mental hospitals when we still had those, chatting to people who received ECT which is still given to people, and is yet another story for another day.

The cult must put the session down in their little black book as a brainwipe night, brainswiping, or giving some scramble. That has demystified that then. One day I will let you in on the descriptive phrase that I have put down for them in mine.

Reasons for This Scenario

Throughout 'the Book' I have described things as they occurred between Kelly and myself or as they occurred in my thoughts. The aim is to encapsulate it so that others may avoid a fate worse than death. There may be anomalies through how things unfolded over the years, and what was known at the time or general blips. They can be looked at in hindsight and a spirit of enquiry rather than criticism or denial. Some information linking aspects has been excluded, as have details on Kelly's family situation and of some perpetrators, for their privacy and for expedience.

Kelly had no recollection of the events around the therapy session when she realised something was wrong, stood up for herself on key issues, and walked out. She had gone back there and questioned some more. She followed up her concerns with Trixie by email and telephone. She went to collect her belongings, i.e. not intending to return after that. She was then subjected to something like gangstalking at her home. It is possible the cult gained direct access to her and conditioned her to forget. She was in no position to make a realistic decision about further cult-related therapy, or about any cult involvement. It is no wonder Kelly pleaded for help while being unable to take effective action herself.

Why do people in domestic violence situations not just get up and go? If you thought your children might get harmed if you stood up for yourself, what would you do? And if someone forced or deceived you into making a pact of some kind, with the devil or someone nasty, to keep your children safe, what could you do? You might tell someone like me, by which time there is so much confusion in people's minds that it gains no foothold. Things can change!

Why did I not just explain that particular week to Kelly? Good question. How would you handle such information from her point of view? There is an experiment where rats give up when they are presented with impossible circumstances: They stop trying to survive, they give up the ghost, and die.

This must be some psychological experiment in social control then?

Bad things can happen to people through no reason or fault of theirs or anyone else's. That is life. What I have never been able to grasp is why anyone could, or would, make things worse or more confusing for others, on a random basis and particularly a concerted one. There were no questions in my mind over whether they should or should not do it, and whether they should get away with it. None.

If people wish to take part in activities that horrify others, I probably wouldn't queue up to stop them. What I objected to was the lack of choice, and the fact that a so-called therapist with a so-called safe environment for traumatised and vulnerable people including children, lured them in to destroy them. That cannot be right.

Remember 'The Blue Lamp' and Dixon of Dock Green? That would be good for this particular Hicktown. What it needs is more lamplight!

This story is unfortunately not a fairy tale and not a fabrication. If people tell you that it does not happen, or it cannot happen, maybe they can explain to me how anyone can possibly know that, however learned they are.

If anyone wants me to retract it, why would you?

There will be detractors. But things can improve. The chances of cults and perpetrators continuing to get away with things because they can, or because no-one listens or believes, will be greatly reduced.

I tried to ensure that I was not playing into the charade, overly affecting what Kelly was thinking or fantasising, or with what others were actually doing. While some scenes have been combined for brevity, nothing has been added for dramatic effect.

Not all of the subjects mentioned happen to everyone with cult ritual abuse or mind-control experience. If something is relevant to you, I hope it helps you to read about it. It is not meant to upset you.

Please do not assume that, because you do not do the things outlined here, or you have not come across them, absolutely no-one else does them.

Could any of us get entangled?

The reader must choose where to draw the boundary on anything

It is about choice and boundaries: Don't let other people erode them -

Or Con you into thinking they are different from what you feel is right

The Publisher regrets that it is not possible to enter into correspondence on individual cases, or to comment further on the material appearing here. 

You may print a copy for yourself or for someone you know who may benefit. The material is Copyright.

Useful Links - Use Your Judgement

A book may include only a couple of paragraphs of relevance to you, but can be well worth it. A little moral support from one other person goes a long way to change the dynamics of an individual's life. Groups are strange creatures, and can be turned around for better rather than for worse. Perhaps it needs just one person to give moral support, for someone else to feel able to speak out or to stand for or against something.

If you know someone who is dissociative, or you think they could be a survivor of cult ritual abuse, follow your instincts and offer support where you can. Things are not always what they seem but they could be. You don't need to be an expert to make a difference, but you don't have to try. Don't put yourself at risk from over-involvement.

If you are not sure, or are concerned about your own situation, whether you are a survivor of abuse, of cult ritual abuse, or think you may be involved in what other people call a cult in a broad sense, give yourself time to work out what is important. Find out what you can. Get support if you can. One organisation or person may be able to help over one small aspect that makes a big difference, even if it is just by being there.

A search on Amazon or Google will help you to find what you are looking for. Also see Lucela's List for background reading, and the Links section. Use your judgement.

Utopia or Untopia, Cults & Communities

A Drift too Far

These are my notes after finishing 'the Book' about Kelly. It may not reach you or convince you of anything but it helps me see the Wood for the Trees, and may sharpen the focus on some dappled area. There are things I still prefer not to write as they are too personal for some of the players though belonging here with the main thread. I have not looked back over earlier writings, and this stands or falls as it does.

Readers with no interest in psychism or the occult may discredit this, but in her home Kelly had items given her which affected her deeply. When she plucked up courage and put them in a shed, they lost their impact. Humans are strange creatures who can become sensitised to things, or others can do it as means to control them. There was an issue over rings with a red stone that cult members wore to events. We'll leave the occult aspect there, but what was the circle of dead crows left in Kelly's backyard meant to achieve?

Kelly sought counselling from Trixie who claimed to be trustworthy with strong boundaries, but it was like speaking with forked tongue. She played a game of snatch-away that she always won. Trixie claimed to be helping Kelly to reduce cultic triggers while denying that cults exist. I grew concerned when Kelly's hour appointments became 8-hour absences from home. I recalled hearing how Trixie conditioned Kelly to race out of the house on cue. That seemed to be how the cult got people to leave their homes, or they blew smoke through the letterbox so they might think there was a fire. Despite her new-agey mush about loving oneself, parts of Trixie seemed to have cult allegiance. Trixie's predecessor Marta, Kelly had said, was the cult. There were two main aspects to this. One was ritualistic activity close to a full moon or main festival date, and involving all the trappings. The other was when Marta brought men to Kelly to rape her. Sometimes Kelly remembered parts, like the day she came to consciousness battered and bruised, lying in the snow with her hands bound. Then, either mercifully or by design, she forgot.

Coincident with Kelly's avoidance of therapy appointments, was harassment involving a truck and loud noise at Kelly's home. She did not seem the same after that and it was like the after-effects of ECT. Either that or gangstalking. She used to remember minute details about me over the years, but now very little. I am not saying I want you to believe, but to wonder if it happened, why, how many were involved as victims, and how many as organisers. Different countries and peoples have different ways, and one cannot apply standards or values across the board without looking at those. But what are we looking at here? If they want Kelly dead, go for it, then she can't cause more problems for them. If too many of their victims get killed or just give up on life, someone might ask questions. Anyway, who would service the sadistic clients then?

Kelly was scared of men now, although had a reasonable life with her ex-husband for some years. He was not of the cult but his major bills were paid, I believe for informing on Kelly's nights looking after the children, as opposed to cult or rape nights when she would be alone and accessible. How many places is this sort of thing happening, in so-called civilised societies with a sophisticated legal system, aided and abetted by so-called caring professionals? I tried all through with Kelly to look at possibilities and for what I may have missed. Latterly I was seeing how plausible and manipulative she could be, even though she was less mentally acute. It seemed easier for her function as a virtual recluse. How did Kelly and others like her survive such a lifestyle? Did she choose some of it? Who did? What is it? Why is it? Why is its abusive nature not recognised or stopped? Does someone stop the stopping? Should someone stop that!

I won't get into the satanic ritual abuse reasoning of some therapists. Yes, I believe it happens. Yes, I thought satanism and a relevant belief system were involved here, along with shooting of porn films, prostitution, blackmail, drug dealing, or organised crime one way or another. Yes, it happens elsewhere. Let's try to see things for what they are, not what they're not. See when they really are something, not when they aren't. If we make mistakes in our perception or reasoning, look at those too because they can be important or add perspective. Too often researchers discount something on a spurious argument, precluding greater understanding.

Key Issues

I don't want to turn this into a theological debate either - what difference does any of that make here? The point at issue is to see if others can see what I do, hear what I hear, and work on what can be done. There must be people, it doesn't need many, who know how some of this works. We put it together properly and make a sum of the parts. If anyone recognises something of this in their own therapy or life, or of someone they know, start wondering and get ready to bail. Save sanity, save life, save integrity. SOS means save our souls!

Another dichotomy is over the possibility, or not, of recovered memory. To what extent may some people dissociate naturally, or is it generally through severe trauma? Only through severe trauma? Does trauma cause differences in people's brains, or was there perhaps a prior condition or a sensitivity interacting with something we can't explain? If something applies to some people, can and should it be applied to all? If something is relevant to most people, i.e. over half, does it always apply to you, to me, to x-y-z? Clearly not. Would severe trauma probably involve abuse or satanism? How much should we assume?

How much can happen through bad therapy alone, or via the influence of people whom we believe or raise on a pedestal? We have to get over a one-size-fits-all (or-none) theorising. Some people can come to believe a scenario fits them wholesale, or believe they are victims of more than they need to, blaming close family as the most likely cause. I don't expect people who have been abused to think 'I was wrong to think those things happened'. They know they did. The other side of the coin is too much denial about abuse, as though being able to discount one case necessarily disproves the lot, everywhere, for ever.

When some people are prescribed drugs for one situation, how may that affect their ability to see the Wood for the Trees, or to distinguish what really happened from the effects of medication? How often are all of us playing a role to suit a specific situation, as social psychologists explain how we accomplish with ease? Do we see what we believe, or believe what we see? Do we remember accurately even what we did see?

We can all get hoodwinked. We all know when we go to a magic show that there will be misdirection and trickery

Hicktown Untopia

Kelly claimed there were other local women in a similar situation to hers, conditioned to feel worthless or helpless, forced to comply with needs of a larger or powerful group, mediated by certain therapists. When things got too much for some of the women, they committed suicide in isolated places. Kelly and I wanted to help women like this in Hicktown or anywhere with its problems. Some places were ideal for cult gatherings and the high drama which seemed to be a part of it all, as the moon rose over the well-stocked Woods, an earthwork, a warehouse, a cave, an isolated church, or somewhere underground. Someone's idea of Utopia perhaps, though not for those low down the pecking order, or in demand for sexual services. A few dames ran with the men, arranging for people like Kelly to be virtual whores with little awareness plus the no-rights aspect. How does the song go? 'It's the same the whole world over, it's the poor that gets the blame ...'

The Hicktown set-up accommodated those who had and who took, from those who had not; who brutalised those who could not fight or do anything back. The demoralisation and fear were necessary for this. Hence the confusional conditioning process, and the difficulty of trying to straighten any of it out, exacerbated by the double-bluff of Now you see it, Now we deny it. We can all make mistakes or do deceiptful things. Sadly, what was happening here was basically an extension of 'normal people's normal behaviour'.

Untopia, Hell-on-Earth

For some years I researched cults of the more usual kind, and learned what I could about groups in general. They can seem to have extra-normal qualities. I wondered if cults were basically to fulfill some person/s idea of utopia, a better way of living, closer to some ideal, more of an intentional community than a cult. As with anything, one person's group or belief can be a virtual poison or hell for others. My shelves groan with books on beliefs, or different ways of thinking, living and being. Particularly useful were philosophy books pertaining to 'the Self' or alternate/successive selves, how emotions can affect one's beliefs, and how we behave situationally or temporarily. I sat through hours of varied lectures, some relevant, some not really, some weird, one unpleasant. Sometimes I made a fool of myself with my mind raring to race round a different track without insider knowledge. I am grateful to those who bore with my efforts and idiosyncrasies, and to those who helped with websites.

There comes a time when it seems better to examine what lies ahead rather than search far corners of the globe. Coming across Kelly seemed meant to happen, but I would not allow the idea to keep my nose to the same grindstone she faced, it seemed eternally. I thought she had something to do with some of it, but mainly that others were coercing her and not letting her fly free. If we don't look at the phenomenon, whatever it is, we may not change things.

My somewhat sceptical view became that Kelly was used to use me, to test which way the wind was blowing in the outside world, and waste my time as it gave them a feeling of power. The only problem I have with that is, as far as I know, Marta did not know the extent of Kelly's disclosures to me for the first 2 years. Trixie never did know. Perhaps parts of Kelly belonged to the cult and these things were happening via those and how they were conditioned. In some cultures too, people are deemed to belong to their family with a stronger meaning or emphasis than elsewhere. Perhaps her heightened emotions were not some personal quirk, but a method whereby her suffering could be 'harvested' with others.

Some therapists work with cult-loyal alters as the most appropriate way to help the person to 'get away'. I have known other people who took extreme measures, hiding themselves away so the cult could not access them. Getting away is possible but hard, and may take more than one attempt. Knowing some of the dynamics, and also that it is possible, can make all the difference. With Kelly's system, communicating with such alters was a road to nowhere. I did what I usually do, i.e. strengthen the functioning aspects. Meanwhile someone else was working at a hypnotic level, putting in even more time and effort strengthening cult-loyals, messing up the rest, and playing them off against each other. The result was like an atrociously functioning committee. When one of those goes West it takes an earthquake to change things.

Whoever is behind all of this is likely to be playing a double-game, a double-blind, a double-bluff. So?

We need to look deeper at why this has become such a controversy, seemingly getting nowhere

Why we often seem to be missing the point

Small wonder that we do - It is how it was intended to be

If you can confuse someone over whether they got raped, what else might you manage to persuade them of?

Kelly was good at making connections between things, unless she received instructions not to, which pretty well cooked the books for her

Nolly the interpreter wrote that, if I found it confusing, I should think how it was for them: I tried to


If Hicktown can be thought of as a microcosm, is what happens there a kind of test, to see how much is noticed, what they get away with, gradually eroding anyone's ability to do anything? It's like saying 'Here are human rights, but you can't have this one, or that, or ... or ... until the human-plus-rights concept implodes. It resonates with parents haranging a small child that if they don't behave they won't get a toy. So the child cries, and the threat becomes 'If you cry you won't get a toy'. So the child screams. Logical behaviour for the child, though I cannot speak for the parents. It can make for greater dependency on the parents, perhaps that's it.

If you can confuse everyone over whether cults exist or can have power, or particularly what some satanic or other belief systems might involve, the World is then your oyster. Many years ago, like other people, I thought awareness of mental health issues would mean a more understanding society, including in the workplace. Some organisations are working hard for this now.

It is but a few steps from a small double-bind, to the greatly larger ones wherein we can all get hoodwinked. We all know when we go to a magic show that there will be misdirection and trickery. Watch out for it in your own life, please.

Cui bono? Who benefits?

We are back looking at theories of social control, see A Singular Mean-ing

In the next post, Zonk Effects, are some notes on cults more generally and how they can include crimes - not just moral ones. Many people both inside and outside cults are badly damaged and criminally so. People tend not to understand linked effects unless they or someone close has been affected. Understanding dynamics does not generally extend to the Kelly's of this world and to that type of cult, but to my mind they are part of a similar package. I am ashamed at easily getting mad at Kelly, when she tried her best to survive and make sense of a seriously screwed pack of cards.



IF YOU want to explore in this field, we hope this gives you a few areas of enquiry. Please take care, whether in this field or any other. Enquiring may be 'not worth the candle' either!

Note from the authors of this site -

We will neither confirm nor deny any speculation or comments regarding the whereabouts of this Hicktown, or possible identities of anyone thought to be involved in activities mentioned in these pages. What is Here is What You Get.

To Help Others

If you would like to do something to help others, because of what you have read in these pages, Kelly's wish was that any monies should go to charities or organisations helping children generally, or people who have been abused. Thank you.

Quotation from Sir Arthur Conan Doyle 'The Disappearance of Lady Frances Carfax'

'I refuse to be rewarded for fostering a tragedy'

IF YOU want to explore in this field, we hope this gives you a few areas of enquiry. Please take care, whether in this field or any other. Enquiring may be 'not worth the candle' either!

Lucela's List

'Who's Who of the Brain' by Kenneth Nunn, Tanya Hanstock, Bryan Lask

'Dreaming Reality' by Joe Griffin, Ivan Tyrrell

'Don't Take it Personally - The Art of Dealing with Rejection' by Elayne Savage

'Ostracism - The Power of Silence' by Kipling D. Williams

'Stigma - Notes on the Management of Spoiled Identity' by Erving Goffman

'Somebodies & Nobodies' by Robert W. Fuller


'Beyond Human Nature - How Culture & Experience Shape our Lives' by Jesse Prinz

'Mad Travelers - Reflections on the Reality of Transient Mental Illnesses' by Ian Hacking

'Disrupted Lives - How People Create Meaning in a Chaotic World' by Gay Becker

'Harry Stack Sullivan - Interpersonal Theory & Psychotherapy' by F. Barton Evans III

'The Interpersonal Theory of Psychiatry' by Harry Stack Sullivan


''Real Events Revisited - Fantasy, Memory & Psychoanalysis' by Ann Scott

'Miscarriage of Memory - Historic Abuse Cases' ed. William Burgoyne, Norman Brand

'Suggestions of Abuse' by Michael D. Yapko

'Searching for Memory - The Brain, the Mind & the Past' by Daniel L. Schacter


'Power in the Helping Professsions' by Adolf Guggenbuhl-Craig

'Games Analysts Play' by Martin Shepherd, Marjorie Lee

'Shouldn't I be Feeling Better by Now? - Client Views of Therapy' ed. Yvonne Bates

'Broken Boundaries - Stories of Betrayal in Relationships of Care' by Sarah Richardson, Melanie Cunningham et al.

'Power, Resistance, Knowledge' by Andrew Green


''Feet of Clay - A Study of Gurus' by Anthony Storr

'Prophets, Cults & Madness' by Anthony Stevens, John Price

'Deadly Cults: The Crimes of True Believers' by Robert L. Snow

'Conned - Scams, Frauds & Swindles' by James Morton, Hilary Bateson

'More Scams from the Great Beyond' by Peter Huston




'Multiple Man' by Adam Crabtree

'Irreducible Mind: Toward a Psychology for the 21st Century' by Edward F. Kelly, Emily Williams Kelly, Adam Crabtree, Alan Gauld, Michael Grosso: Topics addressed include phenomena of extreme psychophysical influence, memory, psychological automatisms and secondary personality, near-death experiences and allied phenomena, genius-level creativity, and 'mystical' states of consciousness both spontaneous and drug-induced.

'The Origins of Psychic Phenomena' by Stan Gooch

'Beyond Coincidence' by Martin Plimmer, Brian King

'The Power of Coincidence' by Frank Joseph

'Entangled Minds' by Dean Radin


'Lucifer Rising' by Gavin Baddeley

'Gods of the Blood' by Mattias Gardell

'Sinister Forces' by Peter Levenda

'The Dark Gods' by Anthony Roberts, Geoff Gilbertson

'The Gods Who Walk Among Us' by Thomas R. Horn, Donald C. Jones

'Alien Identities' by Richard L. Thompson

'The Abduction Enigma' by Kevin D. Randle, Russ Bates, William P.Cone

'FINAL EVENTS and the Secret Government Group on Demonic UFOs and the AFTERLIFE' by Nick Redfern

More BOOK Links here

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